I haven’t taken my bipolar meds since I got out of rehab and I am finally starting to see how fast my moods change and it’s so unhealthy I can’t even control this shit I can’t believe I’ve been bipolar for 20 years and never noticed it.. that just why I’ve been so negative my whole life, least I know now but everything is different now that I know.. when I’m depressed I’m like extra depressed then I ever was the only thing keeping me happy is my ex zo keeps calling me and being so sweet to me I just can’t take falling for someone again especially her

Well i am laying on the bathroom floor I choke myself to sleep

We didn’t last we coulda fixed that shit, I wanted a future with you and you just end that shit, and you were everything to me, You pushed us away, now I cant push us outta my head, Hardest pill to swallow is when you know no matter what you do you can’t fix it, and people change my mistake was thinking that they didn’t.. I was so fucking wrong girl straight up I admit it, you’re a thousand miles away, you will never hear from me again, knew it was going down hill when you said you needed distance, went from needing distance to now we finished

I’m sad inside, but I know it’s for the best, right? You had to realize where you drew the line I would cross the line a thousand times So I’ll take what I can from you, then I’ll hide
And save the lucid dreams for another time I still hate it you’re not here..

I recently got diagnosed with bi polar and now that I know why I’m the way I am, my feelings are constantly changing from sad to careless at least now I can understand and identify the feelings and why my mood changes constantly I’m so manic especially right now, no I don’t think its gonna be alright and whoever you are thank you so much but you’re fucking with my head because in my brain I’m hoping it’s her although I know it’s not she hates me because I’m a fucking awful person and I didn’t treat her right and love her like I should have when I had her so now I’m having to deal with karma and my own consequences for my mistakes Im so misreble it hurts so bad to love someone who doesn’t give a single fuck about you and how much effect they had on you I literally am so broken, whoever reads this don’t take advantage of someones love and continue to be awful to them I would do ANYTHING to go back and be happy again I don’t know when I’ll be happy again.. but learn from my mistakes now I’m in love with a girl I will never see again or talk to or be able to feel love again I’ve accepted it I want to be this way I don’t want anyone else to know me I gave my heart away a long time ago and I’m fine with that i will live my life until I can’t no more and idk how long that will be but I will be okay, this life/body might be a shitty one but souls are eternal and my next one will be so much more better maybe I’ll even get to be with my girl again one day.. id give anything to hold her I truly feel like if I had her in my arms again the universe would send so much love to us and I would be able to finally feel alive again but I have to stop this one day and get off this fuck ass app I just can’t help but to hope maybe she will be curious one day and check on me

Ain’t the first time cus I lost you before.. this time feels like we really done.. I’m so fucking hurt I miss you so fucking bad it’s killing me I haven’t cried In a year because I’ve been on drugs and haven’t been able to act on emotions but holy shit I feel like I’m gonna die my heart hurts so fucking bad I hate that you did this to me you could have just left me the fuck alone my life would be so different right now you fucking ruined everything and ruined the fuck out of me I will never be okay again I will never be able to want anyone else because I don’t want to open up to someone else when I’ve already sold myself to you I don’t want to ever love someone other then you and I’ve been pushing these feelings down with drugs because I know you didn’t care but fuck I can’t fight it anymore I fucking love you so fucking much I don’t know how much more of this I will be able to handle I just want you to care about me again and Im so fucked up because of you I’m willing to do anything even if that means I won’t ever be able to see anyone again I just want you to know what the fuck you did to me I am so fucking fucked up

hiphoplines:

“Told you ‘bout givin’ him chances on chances on chances He’s not holdin’ you down, he’s holdin’ you back right now”

— Drake